(Not So) Random Facts About ME :)

 

Hello :)  Time to share some cool stories. Random facts about me in no particular order...

1. My name is Halima. But most people call me 'Leema'.  Originally only my close friends called me Leema. but twitter changed that. 

2. I'm a SUCKER for romance. Big time. I believe in LOVE. I LOVE LOVE. Love to love. LOVE being in love. Love everything about love. I even fart strawberry heart bubbles. ♥ ♥ ♥ 

3. I've only been in love once. 

4. I don't think I've ever been heartbroken. I'd say I manage my emotions quite well.

5.I love vintage. Vintage clothes, accessories but most especially DESIGNS! ie Patterns and flowers. I love the flower designs the most.

6. I love flowers but I think they're a nuisance. For landscaping and decoration - great. But like getting  a bouquet of flowers isn't really that great. I think the gesture is really sweet. And I love that. But flowers die and make a mess when their petals are falling all over the place.

7. I wanna be a florist/ horticulturist in my spare time (some day). There's so much to know about flowers they all mean something and have different smells and essences. :)

8. I have four best-friends. And three besties.  DO NOT JUDGE. People love me. And I love them too. Equally. Yes. I do.

9. I used to have lots of friends but then I realized what friendship really means. I know loads of people and I'm close to a lot of people. I'd say I have less friends and more acquaintances.

10. 2010 was the worst year in my life.  But every horrible thing that happened to me I took in good faith. I wouldn't necessarily call it the year that defined me but lots of the lessons I learnt are part of what makes me who I am today.

11. I love twitter.

12. I love kissing. Slow soft lip to lip kisses over frenching. Frenching is good but it spells k-o-n-j-i. Especially when it's done so roughly. SLOW DOWN. Enjoy the moment savour the feel of my soft lips. Muaah muah :* ;)

13. I get tired of guys very quickly. I can like many people at once. 

13. I'm very picky when it comes to being in relationships. I think with my brain first ie Check the specks. You know if he's my type - good looking,  sweet diction,  intelligent , sweet etc Then my heart. If I really like him ie If he gives me the tingles (you know that heart tug). And if I don't get over him after a week. 

14. I'm hardly in relationships. (Not that I don't want to)

15. Distance is my nemesis. Always seems to be punishing me by taking all the ones I love away.

16. I love water. Baths. I love being at the beach. Walking along the shore. Kissing on the beach. ^_^ 

No I'm not gonna say sex on the beach you don't want any dirty Nigerian water in your honey bucket baby.

17. I LOVE music. Rock especially. Then Opera and R n B  and  a little bit of everything else.

18. I love Kanye West.

19. I love talking. So if I'm quiet around you (when i'm not with my phone or laptop). Then i'm bored, sick. angry, moody, hungry , up to some mischief or making out.

20. People love me. A lot. People trust me. A lot.

21. My favorite colours are black pink and purple

22. I'm very animated- character wise and in things I love. I love colours and pretty things. I love drawing and art. I love cartoons. Animated. Yes.

23. I like to explain things a lot. Make sure you understand what i'm saying and i'm overly descriptive. Some people say I make things look better than they are with my descriptions :( And I never embellish. Sigh

24. I love fashion and everything that has to do with fashion. I think I love clothes and accessories most even though I love shoes (heels). 7 out of 10 you see me I'm in flats cos I love being comfortable (and walking around a lot).

26. I hate being ignored.

27. I hate being told what to do. Hate Hate Hate it.

28. I'm very stubborn. I'd listen to your advice. Even ask for it but I always do what I want to do. What I feel is right.

29. I love considerate compassionate people. People who can show love to others and who put other people's feelings above theirs sometimes.

30. I love God. I'm not the most spiritual person you'll find but I know God exists and he listens to me. Doesn't always give me what I want but somehow he makes it all work out for me.

31. I can't sing. I wish I could. I love dancing. I regret not being a ballerina :(

32. I'm an over thinker. I over analyze situations all the time. I love adventure but well thought out adventures. Safety first at all times.

33. I'm scared of strange crowds and I react to loud noises. I think I have super hearing. No jokes.

34. I'm very observant. I notice anything and everything. Even the slightest changes. Yes I can see that pimple on your cheek. Don't wear a shirt with a hole or missing button cos I'll see it.

35. I think I'm too nice. I forgive too easily and I can't stay mad for long.

36. I LOVE FOOD. All kinds of food. Good food. Junk food (well except naij food). Spicy. Sweet. Crunchy. You cook (buy) it. I'll eat it. I'm also obsessed with drinks. Sweet drinks and juice. I try all kinds all flavors all the time.

37. I love cooking. When I want to.

38. I have a sweet tooth. I love sweets and cakes and everything deliciously scrumptious. I don't mind marrying a confectioner.

39. I love kids. I want to have two someday. And adopt one, start a foundation.

40 I'm going to be richer than you.

41. My favorite thing to do in the whole wide world is making people happy. I'm very compassionate and caring. o:)

42. I can be annoying. But everyone is annoying.

43. Sometimes I might act like a jerk to you. Just give me time I still love you.

44. I love walking and Jogging. I can be sporty sometimes. But I hate watching sports. Except swimming and gymnastics

45. I'm lazy (and I hate it) . I hate ironing and sweeping. I love washing dishes. I hate clothes.

46. I don't love life I don't know why I'm here (earth yet). And sometimes I don't think the idea of dying is that bad.

47. I have issues. I think my emotional system is messed up and I think my heart has a mind of it's own. Constantly fighting battles with my brain. Weighing pros and cons and shit. Never mind.

48. I wish I was a perfectionist and a neat freak. 

49. I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of being poor. I fear I won't survive if I have to live any lower than the standard of life I'm used to.

50. I love attention and being showered with love :)

51. I have lots of things to accomplish in this life ; I'm very ambitious.

52.  People think I'm crazy.

53. I have a very very long bucket list. I'll tell you about that some other time.

54. I love my comfort zone. But I love exploring and discovering new things. Conflict of interest :s

This post is quite long short isn't it :P

Well this is me...

Goodbye 2011.. Hello 2012

I know I'm not writing this on the first or anything close but HAPPY NEW YEAR...
Or is it?
We'll come to that in a bit
On the plus side 2011 ended really well :) Holidays were really fun, memorable indeed. I actually put the word party in the 'Party Like A Rockstar'. I thought I was gonna pass out. Literally. I was so exhausted. So many functions EVERY SINGLE DAY. Family, friends , tweeps (ugh I hate that word but yeah) I met a lot of my twitter buds. Even more at TNC3. It was crazy but was so much fun - spending time with loved ones and all. I LOVED IT...
Then the year ended and we entered the new year and I was happy. I really was. Until the 2nd. So many things happened that day, I felt terrible... A blast from the past was messing with my emotions, then the fuel subsidy issue, I was just worried about the possibility of a strike, I didn't need another delay. Another reason not to resume school on time and to top it all off I was pms'n. Some luck huh. You can imagine how messed up I was feeling.
Spent at least 20 out of 24 hours of that day in one bed or the other. I needed the rest anyway...
So the new year had begun and I came back home and it started...
The boredom, the depression. Feeling useless. It all started coming back. I thought I was done with that. Feeling like that. I mean I was happy for months. Heck I was happy days back. Everything just felt wrong and upside down... My room looked like a bomb had gone off in it.
So I started there...
Spring cleaning. Cleaned my room for about three days. Like totally cleaning. Went through everything, threw out a lot of stuff... Gave out a lot as well. I needed space. Space for the new stuff.... Space to breathe.
After that was done I was bored again. I felt like I was choking in my own house. By this time the nationwide strike was ongoing. That fuel subsidy matter is something I don't wanna get started on.  >_<. As I was saying. The strike was on and we were all stuck in our houses. So I decided to paint my room. I'd been thinking about it but now I had the time. Luckily I had everything I needed in the house. Well there was only one bucket of pink paint left but there was cream (which looks more yellow) so I decided to mix and match.
I ended up using three colours. I mixed the cream and pink and I got this peachy, sunset yellow colour. I used it for one wall and my ceiling. Yes I went up there. Now I'm all done and I've moved back in and I feel better.
I still wanna do more decorating. I will. New curtains, painting, bedside lamp, carpet...
Maybe the new things and new look would bring in a new feel and a wave of fresh air...  I feel like I'm choking... Everything feels wrong and I don't even know why...
I. Need. To. Breathe.

EMOTIONAL TURMOIL

 

HAPPINESS... DEPRESSION... NOSTALGIA... BIPOLAR? Insouciance?
WHAT IS THIS FEELING I'M FEELING?
Not woebegone but not effervescent either...
WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS I'M FEELING?
Sitting on this bed and my mind can't help but drift...
Ears plugged,No sound but the wind - Editors on STILL on repeat... The song is practically ringing in my head...
Mind is here,there,everywhere...

Noticing random things... looking around my room.Staring at the penumbra on my wall...
Tried to write 'something' in one of my numerous books of randomites and all I managed to do is
draw some hearts and break a pencil in two. The lead got exposed so I made some kind of shaded heart with it.
Then I drew a hut...
That's what I do - draw hearts and huts...

SOMETHING
I tried to write something... Anything. Tap into this emotion fusion.
Tried to decipher this emotional brouehaha (haha I like that word) lol...
The only things I thought I could write about, well use for inspiration to write whatever it was I was going to write,  were too much. Too heavy... I started to write but I realized I was not ready to tap into that.Those two events.I just couldn't write more than a line.
I got stuck...
Why?

Even when I think about those two events I often stop myself. I used to think about them a lot... Talked about them to a few people... But somehow it was
never enough. Unexplored aspects of the events that I keep thinking about. Areas filled with questions that I will probably never find answers to. Even if I do I'd have to be surreptitious.3-| And even then there's no guarantee that the answers I'd find would be the truth. It would all be hearsay no proof. I'd have to believe what i'd be given. What if I heard what I didn't want to? Would I not believe? . Would I make up excuses or accept whatever it was I got and lick my wounds all over again? Would I be cut deeper than the first time? Is it really that serious?. Perhaps. Perhaps not.
IT must be because somehome even though I tell myself I'ved moved on somehow, someway my mind still finds it way back to filling itself with thoughts of these events and the surrounding occurrences. It's not like they were all bad. No there were lots of GOOD TIMES. Many happy moments. Moments that defined me and perhaps made me who I am today. The experiences I gathered from these . How I dealt with them and all. Lessons Learnt.

I just wish things ended differently. Not like it was my fault. Regret? No.Yes. Yes and No. In one case I had absolutely nothing to do with 'the end' and in the other I tried. Tried to keep it together. I really did. But some things are just not meant to be.
What's the point of missing something you can never ever have again? Something not even God can give you... (No disrespect whatsoever to God. Yes I believe in God and yes I believe in miracles) And something that's likely to kill you (OKAY MAYBE I'M EXAGGERATING) LOL. As much as you say you're fine, you're content with what you have, you know someway somehow you still want it. Maybe I just want to have it and then end it. Just to feel like i'm in charge this time around. Maybe I want it because I can't stop thinking about it and it's meant to be. Maybe I want it because I CAN'T HAVE IT. JUST MAYBE.

IMBROGLIO
Don't know why I haven't been able to let these two events go. One of which the longing for i'll prolly carry to my grave (can't blame me) the other would surely fade away with time... It better.. cos it's been a while. Wish I could have some long term amnesia to it though. Tired of telling myself to stop thinking about it. It's not like I wanna. I just do. I stop myself halfway all the time... Wishful thinking... Pointless thinking. Nothing can come out of it. Or at least the results I want.
Maybe i'm  not supposed to forget and maybe in the long run something will come out of it.

The feelings that come with these thoughts are the problem... Not the thoughts but the emotions they bring... All sorts. Up and down. Roller coaster ride. Thankful for the positives trying NOT to feel sad for the negatives. I'm done with the sadness. Are the lessons learnt and the experiences gathered... the point
of it all? Is there more to these thoughts? Or is it that I just can't let go? Is it a problem of emotional attachment? Attachment to what? SOMETHING that practically doesn't exist. Do you know how it feels to be a happy person whose melancholy is just around the corner. Sadness always tryna creep in,  happiness
pushing it away. Flipping battle going on in my head and of course in my chest. You know that place inside where you feel whatever you feel. You don't? Well my emotions are strong like that...
>sigh<
Reminiscing on the good times and frowning at the bad ones all at once. Thinking of things you would have changed even though there's not much you could've done different. How do you know you wouldn't have made everything worse. How do you know you wouldn't have made it better?

WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS YOU SAY?
Believe me if I knew I wouldn't be a mess myself...
Am I a mess? Naah not really... Well maybe. Nobody's perfect...
I'm fine really... These are prolly my only demons...
And for once i'm able to talk about them... Even though I don't really go into detail i've finally let em out...
I feel better :)

PANACEA?

For once I don't know what to do. And I don't think anyone would either. Maybe a shrink.
Maybe my life would be perfect if these two things were in place. Maybe not. Probably not. Curiosity killed the cat. This kitty ain't ready to die yet.
(Not like I could change them if I wanted to anyway) sigh.

Welcome :D

 
This is my new blog... You can view my old one here www.memoirsfrommorphania.tumblr.com
Anyway... This is gonna be my private getaway can't wait to get into it fully :D
Until then...

Peace ... love and strawberries...